Which of the following is the best reason that we have trouble remembering the license plate number of a car that we just passed 10 minutes ago group of answer choices?

Why It Matters

In the United States about 70 percent of meals are consumed outside the home, and about 20 percent are eaten in the car. About half of American families rarely have family dinner, according to The Family Dinner Project at Massachusetts General Hospital.

Decades of research have shown that children who regularly eat dinner with their families at home do better on a number of health measures. When kids eat with their parents, they are more likely to have:

• More fruits and vegetables and drink less soda.
• Lower rates of obesity as both children and adults.
• Higher self-esteem and a more positive outlook.      
• Lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, school behavioral problems and depression.
• Better body image and fewer eating disorders.
• Better grades, higher reading scores and better vocabulary.

Pick a Meal

You have more chances than you realize to connect with your family at the table. During the work week, most families have two opportunities a day to dine together (breakfast and dinner) and three chances (breakfast, lunch and dinner) on the weekends. That gives us a total of 16 traditional meal opportunities a week to connect with our families. Anne Fishel, a Harvard Medical School associate clinical professor of psychology and executive director of the Family Dinner Project, says the goal should not be to hit some magic number for family meals, but to find as many dining opportunities together as possible and make the most of them.

“When I work with families, I tell them, ‘How about having one great meal or one good-enough meal and see where that takes you,'" said Dr. Fishel. “The secret sauce of family dinner is the conversation and the games and the fun at the table.” Here are the pros and cons of various family meal options:

Breakfast 

Pros: Morning is often the only time everyone is together; kids love breakfast food. A study of 8,000 children in Europe showed that kids who ate breakfast with parents five or more days a week were 40 percent less likely to be overweight than their peers. 

Cons: Mornings can be rushed. Harvard’s Family Table project estimates that many families only have about 10 minutes for breakfast. Kids may be sleepy and not as engaged in conversation.

Lunch 

Pros: Usually simple and faster than other meals; great for picnics.  

Cons: Just two chances a week (Sat, Sun) for most working families; only family meal with a potential negative. Studies show that children who eat daily lunch with parents are more likely to be overweight.

Dinner 

Pros:  Longest meal of day (about 22 mins); a good time to catch up on events of day, school, work etc. 

Cons: Tough on working parents to get home in time to cook; for teens, homework and sports conflicts interfere with dinner time.

Weekend Meals 

Pros: More time to prepare food, fewer scheduling conflicts. 

Cons: Television (sports) may be more tempting; kids may have less to say about school.

Extended Snack 

Pros: Great option when one parent can’t be home for full dinner; use time at table for game, conversation. 

Cons: Adds extra calories to the day; time at table will be shorter than a regular meal.

Just Dessert 

Pros: Kids love dessert so they will definitely show up; best to serve fruit at least some of the time. 

Cons: Risk of extra calories and sugaring up kids before bedtime

The Sweet Spot

Family researchers emphasize that there isn’t a magic number for family meals. But they do note that the benefits increase with every meal, so the more times you can gather as a family, the better. Every time parents sit down with their kids, it creates another opportunity to connect, and strong family connections appear to keep teens healthier and safer in a number of areas. Remember, the family table is not just about dinner — you have 16 opportunities a week to connect over a traditional meal and you can always gather at the table for just a snack or dessert.

“If you’re not having family meals at all, start by doing it once a week and make it really easy,” says Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, a professor and head of the division of epidemiology and community health at the University of Minnesota. “You can have sandwiches, or you can put out carrot sticks and hummus. I think sometimes people think if they’re going to eat together it needs to be a big, home-cooked meal. Make it simple in terms of what will work for your current situation.”

Science can offer additional guidance to help you assess where your family falls in the spectrum of potential benefits. In 2012, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University surveyed 1,003 young people, between the ages of 12 and 17 (493 boys and 510 girls) about their relationships with their parents. The more times a week a teen sat down for a family meal, the more likely he or she reported having high-quality relationships with parents. Family dinners are also strongly linked to lower rates of teen substance abuse. Based on this research, here are some numbers to think about:

0-2 Meals Per Week: Family researchers are most concerned about families that drop below eating three meals a week. These children are less likely to report good relationships with parents and are at higher risk for substance abuse and being overweight.

3 Meals a Week: Three days a week is the point where researchers begin to notice positive trends in a child’s nutritional and emotional health.

5-7 Meals a Week: The Columbia study identified five to seven meals a week as the point where the greatest benefits in teen and family health were seen. While every extra meal with your family is a good thing, you get the most benefit at about seven meals (breakfast, lunch or dinner) together a week.

Getting Started

Here are some simple strategies from the family table experts for increasing the time you spend at your Family Table.

Keep it Simple: Give yourself a break. Family meals don’t have to look like a Norman Rockwell painting.  “I believe the magic can happen without perfection,” says Lynn Barendsen, a co-founder of The Family Dinner Project. “Come together and enjoy each other’s company and manage to have a great meal. It’s about creating the space to let it happen.”

Start Small: Don’t try to go from 1 or 2 meals a week to 7 meals overnight. Look at your family’s schedule for the week and try to find just one meal time that works for your family. Let everyone know and add your plans to the calendars of all the adults and teens in the house. 

Set One Goal: Don’t try to do everything at once. Look at your family and decide what your needs are. If it’s more family table time, try to find one extra meal that works. If you’ve got picky eaters, focus on strategies to help everyone eat more healthful. (You can find more tips on this under the Nourish section below). If your problem is tension at the dinner table, focus on conversation starters and games to keep everyone happy and engaged. 

Be Flexible If both parents can’t be home at the same time for dinner, or if teen sports practices get in the way, plan your table time for later in the evening around a family snack or late-evening dessert.

Keep it Fun: The Family Table should be a fun, welcoming space. It’s not a place for stress, arguments and grilling kids about their grades. (See our Play section below for more ways to keep it fun.)

Stay Home: Family time at a restaurant is better than no family meal time at all. But the reality is that meals eaten outside the home are almost always less healthful. Keep reading for some shortcuts to make home cooking a little easier and faster

What Counts as a Family Meal?

Many families make the mistake of waiting for the perfect time to gather as a family. But families aren't perfect and most of the time, your meal won't be perfect either. Working parents, unconventional families, single-parent homes, parents who do shift work, working teenagers and kids in sports all have to navigate conflicts that get in the way of the family meal. Here are some examples of unconventional family tables that still count as a family meal.

Solo Parents Sometimes the family table only has one adult. Divorced and single parents have different dinner planning challenges than married parents. Sometimes one parent has to leave for work early, come home late or be away on business, leaving another parent to manage the family meal. Remember that a successful family table is one that results in family connection, healthful food and fun conversation. One adult at the table is better than none.

Small Families One-child families, particularly when there is only one parent, can feel lonely at the family table. Eating meals with your child as often as possible still counts as a family meal, but consider joining another family from time to time to add a little extra noise and conversation to your family table.

Caregivers Sometimes an older sibling or caregiver is in charge of feeding the kids at night. You can still get the benefits of a family meal by making sure healthful food is served, and asking the caregiver to create a fun meal or suggest games or conversation starters that will allow children and teens to connect with each other and their caregiver. 

Late-Night Table Time Some families simply can't make the schedule work for breakfast lunch or dinner. Kids have sports practices, moms and dads may have to work late. When a family meal is simply impossible, think about a late-night chocolate milk or hot cocoa moment where everyone can spend a few minutes catching up or sharing a simple moment from the day.

How to Eat

The magic of the family table comes from the conversation and connection between parents and children, but it’s also important to serve nourishing food, model healthful eating habits and avoid food battles. Childhood health experts say the best advice for improving a child’s diet is simply putting healthful food on the table and sitting down together to eat it.

Here are some strategies for serving delicious, healthful food that everyone will eat: 

Build Your Own: Everybody at the table, including the parents, has likes and dislikes. You can create different dishes for the meat lovers, vegetarians and picky eaters. Or you can just brace yourself for a nightly food battle. But why not make it easier on everyone and create buffet-style build-your-own meals? Start with a basic ingredient and then step aside and let everyone create their own favorite version of the dish. Foods that work well for build-your-own nights are tacos, sandwiches, soups, salads, pizzas and pastas. “If someone doesn’t like tomatoes, they don’t have to go on the tacos,” said Ms. Barendson, who, with her colleagues at The Family Dinner Project, created a complete list of “build your own” dinners. “You’re cooking one meal, but people can pick and choose.” 

Vegetable Appetizers: While you’re preparing the meal, make it a habit to set a big plate of vegetable starters on the table for everyone in the family to nibble. Carrots and ranch dressing, roasted bites of cauliflower, broccoli and hummus, or vegetables and guacamole will get gobbled down by your ravenous crew. This pre-dinner snack will not only relieve the stress of the person preparing the meal, it will buy extra time if one parent is late coming home, and solve the eat-your-vegetables food battle before it even starts. The most likely time a child will eat carrots or cucumbers is when a parent is still cooking and the kids are really hungry, said Ms. Barendsen. “When you sit down, you don’t have to worry about whether they eat the veggies because they already had them,” she said.

Don’t Comment: Once the food is served, limit any food talk to how good it tastes. Don’t make comments about how much or how little someone has put on their plate. Even something as simple as “Just eat a little more of that,” could prompt a child to become stubborn and resist the food. “No cajoling. No bribing,” said Dr. Fishel. “It makes for tension at the table and it’s counterproductive.” “ Dr. Fishel recommends not talking at all about who’s eating what at the table. “A parent’s job is to choose healthy food and pick when and where it’s going to be eaten,” she said. “A child’s job is to decide whether and how much to eat”. Beyond that, the conversation around food should be limited. 

Avoid Food Rewards: Studies show that children may react negatively when parents pressure them to eat foods, even if the pressure offers a reward. In one study at Pennsylvania State University, researchers asked children to eat vegetables and drink milk, offering them stickers and television time if they did. Later in the study, the children expressed dislike for the foods they had been rewarded for eating. If you are serving dessert, don’t place any conditions on it. 

Use Smaller Plates: Studies show that people eat larger portions when the serving dish is large. Large plates, big popcorn buckets, big glasses and deep round bowls make portions look smaller and prompt us to eat more. Take a look at your dinner plates and other dishes. Shop at thrift stores or antique stores to find the smaller dinner plates that were common 50 years ago.

Feeding Picky Eaters

A picky eater can be a frustrating dinner companion. And parents know that new finicky habits can appear seemingly overnight. Here’s what science teaches us about helping picky eaters become more adventurous eaters.

Rule of 15: Studies show that children need to be introduced to a food as many as 15 times before they will accept it. So don’t give up. Keep putting those green beans on the table, and eventually, your picky eater may start eating them.

Food Bridges: Once a food is accepted, parents should use “food bridges” by finding similarly colored or flavored foods to expand the variety of foods a child will eat. If a child likes pumpkin pie, for instance, try mashed sweet potatoes and then mashed carrots. If a child loves corn, try mixing in a few peas or carrots. Even if a child picks them out, the exposure to the new food is what counts.

Texture vs. Taste: When a child rejects a food, try to prepare it in a different way. If your child doesn’t like steamed cauliflower, serve it raw with ranch dressing or slice and roast it to bring out its natural sweetness. Or think about how you might change the texture of a food so it’s harder or softer the next time. A child who rejects mushy cooked spinach or cooked zucchini may like both of them raw and crunchy in a salad.

Model: Children learn eating behaviors, both good and bad, from a parent. So dinner time is a good time to model healthful eating. If a child has avoided a dish, don’t pressure them. Just give yourself a heaping serving, and ask them if they want to try. If they say no, just say “more for me!” and keep eating.

Bring Kids to the Kitchen: With hot stoves, boiling water and sharp knives at hand, it is understandable that parents don’t want children in the kitchen when they’re making dinner. But studies suggest that involving children in meal preparation is an important first step in getting them to try new foods. Researchers at Teachers College at Columbia University studied how cooking with a child affects the child’s eating habits. In one study, nearly 600 children from kindergarten to sixth grade took part in a nutrition curriculum intended to get them to eat more vegetables and whole grains. Some children, in addition to having lessons about healthful eating, took part in cooking workshops. The researchers found that children who had cooked their own foods were more likely to eat those foods in the cafeteria, and even ask for seconds, than children who had not had the cooking class.

Make It Fun: When family health researchers study family dinner, they often hear from adults who remember tortuous family meals with strict rules and lots of discipline. But family dinner should be fun. One strategy to keep it lively is to think of theme nights. Involve kids in choosing the theme. Breakfast for dinner, Taco Tuesday, Finger Foods and Picnic Night are fun ways to make cooking easy and to make dinnertime fun. During cleanup, crank up the music and let kids pick their favorite song.

Short Cuts

When it comes to making family dinner, don’t try to be a hero. Take the shortest, fastest route to that family meal. Here are some short cuts the family dinner researchers have learned from parents:

Homemade Is Relative: Store-bought prepared foods can be a huge help in getting family dinner on the table. Rotisserie chickens can be served a variety of ways throughout the week. Pre-cut vegetables and salad kits save time. You can find healthful frozen pizzas and chicken bites, add some salad and fruit and get a fun dinner on the table in a hurry. “There’s no magic in making everything from scratch,” notes Dr. Fishel. “That’s not where the power of family dinner comes from.”

Freeze Everything:  Everytime you make a batch of lasagne or a bowl of chili, make a second batch and freeze it for later.

Weekend Cooking: Use weekends and downtime to chop and cook vegetables, boil and refrigerate pasta, make a casserole or grill some chicken. It will take the stress out of getting family dinner on the table during the workweek.

Meal Swaps: During their work with The Family Dinner Project, Harvard researchers talked to military families who often cope with extended absences of one spouse. One strategy was to form a “dinner swap” of five families. Each family would cook five batches of a favorite meal, keeping one and giving the other four to members of the group. After the swap, you’ve got five fully prepared meals, and you only had to make one of them. If you can’t organize five families, just try to find one friend who wants to do a meal swap. 

What to Cook

Conversation Dos and Don’ts

Family meals should be fun, interesting and free of conflict. 

Don't Talk About: 

• Bad grades or school problems: Kids never feel good when they struggle in school. Don’t talk about school problems at the table, it will ruin dinner for your child and make them dread joining the family. Save these hard talks for a walk after dinner or one-on-one trip to get ice cream.
• Chores: Kids feel berated when parents keep reminding them of chores. Of course you should remind your child of his or her family responsibilities, just don’t do it at the dinner table.
• Politics: Whether you broach the topic of politics depends on your family. If politics makes your blood boil or if you have two family members on opposite ends of the political spectrum, it’s best to stay away from the topic as dinner conversation.
• What everyone is eating: It’s never helpful to comment about the food one of your kids is eating or not eating. Too much commentary about food choices can put children at risk for eating disorders or reinforce picky eating habits. 

Do Talk About: 

• How you can help:  Ask your kids if they need any help with homework or school projects. Do they have any school plays or fun school events coming up that you should attend? Did they do anything fun at school today? Did they have any setbacks or struggles? It’s okay to talk about challenges at school, but only if your child brings it up first and wants to talk.
• Weekend and vacation plans: Topics like holiday plans, weekend outings and dream vacations (past and future) are terrific topics for a fun family dinner. Go one step further and add drink umbrellas, crazy straws and fun decorations to the table to enhance the festive mood.
• Current events: The family table is a great place for serious topics about the world around us. Try to stay away from angry opinions, and ask your children if they know about a topic in the news and how it makes them feel.
• What everyone wants to eat: The dinner table is a great place to talk about foods you love, foods that make you squeamish or the best (or worst) meal you’ve ever had. Engaging your family in the week’s food planning is a fun topic that will pay dividends later in the week.

Conversation Starters

Harvard’s Family Dinner Project offers these conversation starters for every age to keep the table talk fun and interesting.

Ages 2-7

• If you joined the circus, what would your circus act be?
• If you were a teacher and could teach your students anything at all, what would you teach them?
• If you were free to do anything you wanted all day, what would you do?
• In the book “Green Eggs and Ham,” Sam-I-am refuses to try green eggs and ham. Then he does and he likes them. Has something similar ever happened to you?
• If you had superpowers, what would they be, and how would you use them to help people?

Ages 8-13

• Question game. Which do you like more: Dogs or cats? Sneakers or sandals? Chocolate or vanilla? Earth or space? Summer or winter? Zoo or aquarium? Beach or mountains?
• What was your favorite book or movie from last year? What did you like about it?
• If you were principal of your school, would you change anything? What?
• If you could change one thing about your family or about school, what would it be?
• Create a brand new holiday along with new traditions for the world. Describe the what, when, why and how.

Ages 14-100

• What is your most unusual talent? Demonstrate it!
• 20 questions. One family member (the leader of the round) thinks of a person known by everyone at the table. Then, others ask the leader metaphorical questions to try to guess the person. For example: “If the person were a vegetable, what vegetable would she be?” “If he or she were a fruit/animal/color, which one would she be?” The idea is to stick to figurative rather than literal thinking. Whoever guesses the person first gets to be the leader of the next round.
• The poet Maya Angelou once said, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” What do you think she meant by this? Have you ever had to do this?
• What is one thing you can do for yourself in the next week that would help you take care of yourself?
• Can you tell me one thing that you learned today that you think I might not know?
• If you had one week, a car full of gas, a cooler full of food and your two best friends, where would you go and what would you do?

Grocery Shopping Games

Mystery Foods: Take your children to the supermarket and ask them to pick out a fruit or vegetable they have never seen before or never eaten at home. Then work to incorporate this new food into a meal.

Grocery Scavenger Hunt: Turn grocery shopping into a game by making it a scavenger hunt. You can use the game to find regular grocery staples or to add unusual items. For example: “Pick a food using the first letter of your name;” “Pick fruits and vegetables from all the colors of the rainbow.” 

Fun With Food Prep

Play with Shape and Size: Kids love animal pancakes and food with faces. Dr. Fishel notes that just playing with size -- cutting sandwiches into mini bites — appeals to many children.

Play Iron Chef: At the end of a family meal, one family member can select one or two ingredients that must be included in the next meal. Or you can pick a single ingredient that has to be included in every dish. 

Vegetable Collage: Put the elements of a salad on separate plates on the table — red peppers, cucumbers, avocado, carrots sticks, lettuce, cherry tomatoes, fruit and nuts. Then let your kids create silly faces, animals, cars, houses or whatever they want. Dr. Fishel notes that a tomato on top of a cucumber slice looks like an eyeball, avocado slices make eyebrows and lettuce makes great hair. Celebrate everyone’s creativity and then give them a favorite dressing for dip and let them eat their work.

Fun at the Table

Guess the Ingredient: Ask everyone around the table to guess all the ingredients in a casserole or new dish. 

Plan Your Dream Vacation: The table is a great place to brainstorm future fun, whether it’s a trip to a nearby amusement park or a fantasy vacation. Parents are often surprised by the ideas their kids already have.

I Spy: It’s not just for car trips. The “I Spy” game is a great way to engage kids at the dinner table.

Close Your Eyes: How many forks are on the table? What color shirt is the person next to you wearing? Who has an empty water glass? There are many ways to turn your table into a guessing game.

Best and Worst:: A great game and conversation starter for any age. What are the best and worst things that happened today?